ࡱ> %` qbjbj"x"x .@@iD`9`9`9`9l9TE8,:,:,:,:,:;;;{E}E}E}E}E}E}E$4GhIRE@;;@@E,:,:EAAA@ ,:,:{EA@{EAAA,: : Z!`9@"A{EE0EAI@IAIA;<NA)> 5?;;;EEA ;;;E@@@@"`9`9$ Chapter 19 Two days later... I watched as Bryan switched off the engine of our sedan as I nervously drummed my fingertips on the dashboard. I looked out the window at the neatly erected brownstone with its stairs cascading up to the solid, dark-stained oak door and chewed the inside of my cheek nervously. What the hell was I doing? It wasnt too late to turn back now. Or was it? Carter. Bryan said softly breaking into my conflicting thoughts, Why are we in Brooklyn? Who lives here? I swallowed hard. A friend. An old friend. I offered him a tight smile, but he didnt buy my charade. Male? Female? Male. He squinted his eyes at me. Informant? Suspect? Old boyfriend? Not exactly. I said nervously, wishing that he would stop with the twenty questions already. Remember when we were talking about that grey area of the law? He nodded. This might be one of them. He threw me a confused look. Look, can I explain later? Right now I just want to get this over and done with. He regarded me with a silent appraisal, as if gauging what my mental state was at the moment. Finally he said, Do you want me to come in? I blew out a long breath. That was the question of the century. I knew if Bryan was there I would have more courage to do what I was about to do, but I also knew that if he witnessed the way I interacted with this man he would have all the answers to his questions, and even more questions would arise. Catch fucking 22. But then again Bryan was my partner. Whatever muck I was about to get into he should be right there mucking it up too. Right? I had officially signed on two days ago to join him in the top secret internal task force that was investigating the Bureau, but yet I was still apprehensive to expose this part of my past to him. But hey, you have to take chances in order to progress right? Or at least I hope progress was what was going to come out of this. I looked out the window again. I want you to come in. I knocked on the door and waited; nervously shifting from foot to foot trying to keep warm against the December chill and also trying to ease the butterflies in my stomach. I heard the locks tumble and the door opened slightly. A petite, brown-skinned, middle-aged woman, with salt and pepper hair opened the door. May I help you? she inquired in a high pitched voice as she looked suspiciously from Bryan to me. FBI maam. I said and flashed her my credentials. Bryan did the same. She gave us a look mixed with suspicion and a small amount of fear. Maam wed like to talk to Marcus Grant if hes home. I continued. Wed like to ask him some questions regarding a case were working on. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bryans eyebrows shoot up to his hairline and a look of clear surprise registered on his face. I ignored him. Right now my goal was to get inside the house. I leveled a cool gaze on the woman and noticed her grip tightened on the door knob she was holding onto. I dont think... she started. Maam are you the owner of this house? Bryan interrupted, clearly not in the mood to stand outside all day negotiating entry. Neither was I. Well, no. Im Mrs. Gentry. Mr. Grants housekeeper. But... Maam can you tell him Agent Marissa Carter from the FBI is here to see him please. I said with a distinct edge to my voice. She shot me an irritated look, then in a tight voice said, Wait here Ill see if hes available. Then closed the door. I looked at Bryan in disbelief. Im all for respecting my elders, but this woman is grating on my last nerve. Bryan just stood there staring at me with a blank expression. What? Marcus Grant? Please tell me its not the same Marcus Grant who runs the notorious Bedford Boyz gang. I shrugged. Ok I wont. Shit. he breathed fiercely as he scrubbed his hand roughly over his face. Legally grey, remember? I said innocently. He let out a wry laugh. I underestimated you Carter. Seems like you had an ace up your sleeve. I cant wait to meet him now. Would really like to meet the man whose making you skitter about like a high school girl with her first crush. I glared at him. I am not skittering. He raised an eyebrow at me as if to say Oh really? I am not. I said again, making a conscious effort to stand still even though my stomach was doing major flip flops. Im doing this so we can find Boon. Fast. Bryan let out another laugh and shook his head. At that moment the door opened again, this time much wider, and Mrs. Gentry peered out at us. Hell see you. she said clearly not too thrilled with her employers decision. Warm air rushed up to greet me as I stepped inside the doorway and took in the ambiance of the interior. Maple colored hardwood floors lined the entire room giving the room a cozy yet elegant feeling. The walls were painted a warm mint green with white borders framing the tops. The high-vaulted ceilings stretched as far as the eye could see and from it suspended in elegant animation was an enchanting chandelier. A marbled fireplace stood in the middle of the room, and various painting of animals and landscapes hung from the walls. At the end of the room, near the floor to ceiling windows, were two sand colored suede couches facing each other. Standing in front of one of the couches, with his hands clasped in front of him, was the man who took my virginity fourteen years ago. Even though we stood at a distance his gaze seemed to bore right through me. My breath caught in my throat as I took in his familiar features. He had definitely filled out since our last encounter, and his stature was one of a man of lethal power. Bryan cleared his throat next to me bringing me out of my trance. I took a deep breath and walked further into the room. The closer I got the more my breathing seemed to get more labored. Get a grip Carter, I thought to myself. Get a fucking grip. He watched me. His gaze started from my Naturalizer pumps and worked their way up to my Ann Taylor pants suit and finally settled on my face. Marcus. I breathed when I got within five feet of him. How are you? His face held no expression as his gaze bounced from me to Bryan. I hope Im not interrupting. I said breathlessly stopping two feet in front of him. Thats left to be seen Princess. he said in a low baritone voice. I sucked in an audible breath upon hearing the nickname he used to call me back in high school. Ok Carter get your shit together, I chastised myself. Youre here for information not to ask him out on a date. Whos this? Marcus inquired nodding his head at Bryan, who was watching the whole scene played out before him with mild fascination. This is Special Agent Bryan Anderson. My partner. I said, my voice sounding more confident than I felt. Bryan kept his hands in his coat pockets and nodded back at Marcus. His face was relaxed but his body language said he was ready for anything if shit were to go down. I was on edge too, but not because I was afraid of Marcus. I was more afraid of my loosely held emotions regarding him. Here I was a thirty-two year old FBI special agent whod seen and experienced the worse of the worse when it came to crime, and yet still I was nervous just being around an ex-boyfriend...of sorts. You see the thing is Marcus and I never really dated. Our relationship was complicated back then as it was complicated now. Even losing my virginity to him had repercussions. Violence had brought us together and violence had broken us apart. I had a passing acquaintance with Marcus. He lived five houses away from me on the same street in Queens and his grandmother attended the same church as my parents. I would often see him with her as they made their way to the front of the church where she liked to sit. I could always tell he was embarrassed that he had to sit so close to the action while the other kids sat at the back. He would always stare straight aheadeyes focused on the statues of Jesus, Mary and the disciples, as if willing them to come to life and rescue him from his torture He had two older brothers, Dwayne and Malcolm. Dwayne was the oldest and at the time was away at college upstate on a basketball scholarship. Malcolm, who was two years younger than him, was known around the neighborhood as a small time drug dealer and gang member. He had a series of run-ins with the police and got arrested numerous times. He and Marcus were close, and I guess Marcus viewed him as a role model of sorts. His grandmother however highly objected to the idolism and made every effort to keep Marcus away from Malcolm as much as she could, hence the reason she always took him to church with her. My parents were always warning me not to associate my self with the Grant boys, but something about Marcus just pulled at me. I caught him looking at me one time in church as I made my way up for communion. Our eyes held for a few seconds before I blushed and turned away. I dared not talk to him as I knew my parents were watching me from the pews, and even back then I hated it when my mother tried to get all up in my business. I guess some things never changed. Marcus and I had gone to the same grade school and later on the same high school too, but we had never spoken to each other until one day in sixth grade when Colin Andrews, the school bully, was trying to take my lunch money. Needless to say I wasnt in a giving mood that day and flat out refused to hand over anything to him. I even told him what he could do with his big head and parts of it involved his mama. The next thing I knew I was wincing in pain and falling to the ground clutching my stomach when Colin decided he had had enough of my smart mouth and punched me in the belly. Unfortunately for Colin, Marcus just happened to be walking by and jumped in the fracas, bestowing upon Colin a bloody nose and busted lip. After that incident I found myself seeking Marcus out. I studied his schedule and positioned myself in his line of sight when I saw him walking down the halls at school. He was always polite and said Hi. to me, but that was the extent of our conversations until we got to high school and he completely ignored me then. By then he was on the basketball team and was getting more and more popular with the student body; most of them girls. Everyone wanted to be seen with Marcus because he represented what cool should be. He was tall and was developing muscles in all the right places. His long-lashed, brown eyes, perfectly shaped full lips, cute smile, and caramel complexion were many a teenaged girl fantasy. In the girls bathroom there were poems dedicated to him on the toilet stalls. All the guys wanted to be like him, and all the girls wanted for him to notice them. I, on the other hand was an introvert and as nerdy as they came. It seemed my head was always in a book, and I had no interest in sports or to be a cheerleader. Mix that in with my extreme shyness and you got one loner of a girl. I had a few friends, but we didnt make up any of the popular group dynamics. I also went out with a couple of boys, but nothing illicit ever came out of it. Lots of hand holding and a few quick pecks on the lips. But touching of body parts never came into play. Not that I wanted it to anyway. I was extremely afraid of losing my virginity as the horror stories that I had overheard in study hall about the pain and bloody mess scared me into keeping my legs tightly closed. In our final year of high school Marcuss grandmother passed away and my parents and I went over to his house for the wake. I remembered seeing him sitting in a corner of the room away from everyone when I walked in. He looked so empty and withdrawn from the atmosphere that was buzzing around him. I knew his grandmother meant the world to him and something in me broke as I watched him struggle with his emotions as he tried to appear stoic and grown-up. Later that evening as the company died down, I followed him down to the basement where his mother had sent him to put away the stacks of unused paper plates that remained on the tables that were scattered throughout the living room. My intention was to express my sympathies about his grandmothers passing. I waited until he had packed the plates away into a cupboard before I said anything. Hi. I said as I licked my dry lips. I was looking everywhere but at him. Being as shy as I was, talking to him was a major accomplishment for me. He whirled around clearly startled by my intrusion. When he saw it was me he visually relaxed and a shy smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Hi. he replied. My palms were sweating and it felt like a huge boulder had lodged itself in my stomach. I knew I was blushing and the urge to flee was strong. I...err...I...um. I wanted to say how sorry I am about your grandmother passing. I managed to get out through my constricted throat. He nodded sadly and bowed his head. Thank you. She meant a lot to me. I know. I said softly. His head jerked up suddenly. Do you now? You were always with her at the front in church. If that isnt love I dont know what is. I said, finishing off the comment with a smile. He smiled at me. Youre Marissa, right? We go to the same school. I nodded. Secretly pleased that he even knew my name. He let out a long slow breath and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. Everyone thinks they know what Im going through but they dont. Theyre all over here just looking to get some free food and drinks, but they dont give a fuck about grandma. I wish they would just leave so we could remember her in peace. Nothing in my sheltered seventeen years of life gave me any training on how to deal with a clearly grief-stricken eighteen year old boy, so I stayed silent. Why are you here? he asked leveling a cool gaze on me. I swallowed hard. I...I came with my parents. No. Why are you down here? With me? I...I....just wanted to give you my sympathies. Liar. he said with a smile. My eyes opened wide. How did my coming down here make me into a liar? I was two seconds away from bolting back up the stairs. Ive seen you looking at me in school. Looking at you? I said feigning ignorance. How come you never talk to me when were there? I shrugged and bent my head, hoping he wont see the flush in my cheeks. I dont know. You dont talk to me either He laughed. Did it ever occur to you that I maybe shy? This got a laugh out of me. You? Shy? Ha! I am. Yeah right. I snorted. An awkward silence fell over us, and just when I thought that was the end of our conversation he said, So, you want to hang out with me down here for a while? I dont feel like going back up just yet. I didnt think it was possible for me to blush anymore, but I was sure I turned a shade redder. Sure. I squeaked out and offered him a shy smile. For the next hour we talked about school, music and our friends. I found out he also liked to read and was pleasantly surprised when he showed me his collection of Nancy Drew books that was stashed away in a box at the corner of the basement. I teased him mercilessly and even threatened to expose his secret at school. I was rewarded for my treachery by him almost tickling me to death. As I tried to remove his hands off of the torture he was inflicting on my stomach with his wiggling fingers, I found myself being backed up into a wall. Stop! I laughed and screamed at the same time. My stomach was in knots and I felt as if all the air was being sucked out of me from laughing so much. Do you give up? he asked, his face inches from mine, his fingers still tickling me. Yes! I screamed. Promise you wont tell anyone about my books. he said as his hands came to rest on both sides of my face. I wrapped my arms protectively around my waist, but kept on laughing. I promise. All deals should be sealed with a kiss in order for them to be genuine you know. he said as his head moved closer to mine. I sobered up instantly as the reality of what he was about to do took a hold of me. I stood absolutely still and waited. I had never been kissed by a boy before. Sure, I had gotten a few pecks on the lips, but as far as tongue kissing with a boy, that had only happened in my dreams. When his lips pressed into mine a small moan erupted from the back of my throat. I guess he took that as an invitation to deepen the kiss because that is exactly what he did. My inexperienced lips were no match for his. The tip of his tongue slipped into my mouth and I pulled back uncertain as to how to proceed. Never been kissed before huh? he said with a mischievous smile, his face still inches from mine. I blushed. Suddenly feeling embarrassed by my inexperience. Thats ok princess. he reassured me as his fingertips stroked my cheek. Ill teach you. Just relax your mouth and let me do all the work. My heart was beating so hard and fast I swore he could hear it. My parents wouldve had a fit if they knew I was down in Mrs. Grants basement kissing her son. What the hell was I doing? I was a good girl. But I didnt want to stop kissing him. I knew he had a girlfriend, Renesha Kennedy, who was one of the cheerleaders at our school. But in my state of mind, at that moment, I didnt care. I wanted him. I felt safe with him and I really like him. Okay. I breathed, and tried to relax even though I was a ball of wound up emotions. I flicked a nervous glance at the staircase. Its okay. If somebodys coming well hear them. The stairs creak like crazy. he said softly. Put your arms around my shoulders. I gingerly did as I was told and swallowed hard, all the while keeping my head bent. He pressed his body into mine and the heat radiating off of him together with the scent of the cologne he wore relaxed me a little. He leaned in slowly again and I closed my eyes. The kiss started off as before, but this time I was a bit more prepared and opened my mouth under his. His tongue slipped into my mouth and stroked my tongue. After a few seconds I stroked back and was rewarded with a moan from him. Then I heard the stairs creak and my heart jumped into my throat. I roughly pushed him off me and ducked underneath his arms and went to stand by the cupboard where he had put the paper plates. Marcus watched me as I wiped my mouth and nervously straightened my clothes. Marissa you down here? I heard my mother shout. Shit! I looked frantically at Marcus pleading with my eyes for him to help. He smiled, then yelled, Shes down here Mrs. Carter! I glanced nervously at him as I saw my mothers legs hit the landing on the stairs. Shit! I watched as she walked down a few more stairs and peered in at me. Mari its almost time to go. she said looking from me to Marcus. Come tell Mrs. Grant youre leaving. She was just helping me put the plates away Mrs. Cater. Marcus said smoothly. My mother gave him a polite smile then turned back to me. Come on Mari. She then turned and made her way back up the stairs. I breathed a sigh of relief and slumped heavily against the cupboard. Whew! That was close. So Ill see you at school? Marcus asked as he walked towards me. Umm...yeah...school. Sure. What the hell was wrong with me? Didnt I know how to talk in complete sentences? He smiled at me again, all the while looking at me with hooded eyes. I gave him a shy wave and made my way to the stairs. Youre a good kisser. I heard him say as I took the first step. I blushed. You too. I said and ran up the stairs with my lips tingling like crazy. The next few weeks at school were emotionally stressful. I saw Marcus everyday. Most times he was in the company of Renesha or the other members of the basketball team, but our interactions were limited to smiles and small waves as I sensed that he did not want anyone to know just how close we had gotten. And just as I was about to accept the consistency of our friendship he slipped a note into my locker one day asking me to meet him at a park near our school one evening. Under the pretense of going to study at the library I met him at the water fountain as he had requested. He was already there by the time I arrived and without a word between us he took my hand and led me to the bandshell in the park. I watched as he opened a side door, then he took my hand and pulled me in behind him. He closed the door and pulled me up against him. Hi. he said huskily stroking my cheek, as his eyes grew dark and liquid. Hi. I managed to get out just before his mouth came crashing down on mine. We met at the park numerous times after that, each time going a little bit further intimately with each other. Kissing turned into touching, which turned into licking and sucking, and pretty soon it morphed into lots of dry humping. I had my first orgasm with him, and was in awe that I could even have one without penetration. He never pressured me to go further than I wanted to, and this made me want to actually lose my virginity to him. During those times in the bandshell room we never talked much. Our time spent together were all about exploring each others bodies. We never talked about a future for us. I knew he was with Renesha and was not planning on breaking up with her soon. I also knew he was going away to North Carolina to college in a few months on a basketball scholarship he had gotten. At times I would catch him looking at me with a forlorn look in his eyes as we lay on the blanket he always brought when we met at the bandshell. Im gonna really miss you princess. he had said softly stroking my hair as we laid wrapped up in each other on the blanket. Im gonna miss you too. I replied as I willed the tears that sprang up in my eyes away. Weeks rolled into months and soon we were on the verge of graduating and going off to college. I had gotten accepted to NYU and was looking forward to going to school in the city and living in a dorm away from my parents. As much as I loved my family they always seemed a little bit too close for comfort at times. For the senior prom I had agreed to go with one of my friends Mike. I knew he liked me, but I had strictly kept our friendship platonic. Mike was a good guy. His parents were friends with my parents and we had grown up together in the neighborhood, so when he asked me to go to the prom with him I saw no reason to say no. We were going to be sharing a limo with some of our other friends and then after we were going to a club to celebrate some more, so I wasnt worried about being alone with Mike and him trying anything sexual with me as was the tradition with most prom dates. Halfway through the prom as Mike and I were making our way for some punch and finger sandwiches one of Marcuss friends approached me and slipped a note into the palm of my hand as he brushed by me. I excused myself from Mike under the pretense of going to the bathroom and went outside and read the note. Meet me at the bandshell after prom. Ive got something for you. M At 1am I was at the outside the bandshell. I told my friends and Mike that I would meet up with them at the club. I made up a story about having to go home and change into another dress as my prom dress was too poufy to be dancing in a club in. A minute after I got there Marcus arrived. He looked very handsome in his black suit, white shirt and blue tie. I had watched him throughout the night as he danced with his boys and Renesha, and a wave of sadness had washed over me as I wished he was at the prom with me instead of her. But standing there before him in my pale pink, puffy prom dress made all of those emotions disappeared. You have something for me? I asked as I stepped closer to him. He bit down on his lip mischievously and his eyes sparkled as he nodded his head. He reached out and grabbed me closing the gap that was separated us. Im gonna make this a night you wont soon forget. he whispered huskily in my ear. Im gonna give you something to remember me by. I giggled as his tongue flicked out and licked the side of my neck. What is it? He grabbed my hand and placed it on his impressive erection. This. All the air rushed out of my lungs as I stared wide-eyed at him. I dont think so. I said as I jerked my hand away from him. Panic was rising up in me fast as the knowledge of how close I was to doing the one thing I wasnt sure I ready to do just yet loomed. It was one thing to be dry humping someone, but a totally different thing when penetration was going to be involved. Princess, look at me. he said softly. I reluctantly looked at him. I leave in two days for North Carolina. You leave next week to go to school in the city. This could be our last night together. I just want us to have this time with each other. I blew out a frustrated breath as I pulled away from his embrace. That doesnt mean we have to have sex Marcus. He shook his head. We couldve done this weeks ago you know? I know you want to. Youre just scared thats all. I shook my head. No. Im not ready yet. Please dont make me do something Im not ready to do. He let out a curse and dragged me back in his arms. I love you, you know that right? I stilled. No, I had not known that. But hearing him saying out loud the same feelings I felt for him made me extremely happy. I love you too. I said as I hugged him back. Then lets do it princess. he said against my neck, his breath sending delicious shivers through me. I let out a sigh and pushed away from him. No. I cant. What? You on your period or something? I let out a disgusted sound. No Marcus, Im not on my period or something. God! Youre such a jerk. Then whats the problem? he asked irritation lacing his voice. The problem Marcus is that I dont want to be one of the girls you had sex with in New York that I know youre going to be bragging about when you go down to North Carolina. He stared at me. You think this has to do with bragging rights? I stayed silent. He threw his hands up in the air Fuck! The air around us was thick with tension and I didnt want to leave him with this unresolved between us, but at the same time I didnt want to be around him at that that moment. I was about to tell him I was leaving when I heard someone calling his name from outside the bandshell. Yeah! he called back clearly not happy about the interruption. Malcolms been shot bro! came the frantic reply. I watched as his eyes grew wide and the look of shock and disbelief masked his features. A feeling of dread settled over me as I watched him run out of the room, flinging the door open with more force than was necessary. Then he was gone. I stood trying to make sense of everything that just happened and soon reality set in and I realized that I should go with him. 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