The 12 (cough 20 cough) Dayz of LOTR Christmas

On the first day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A Pippin in a peach tree. (Pippin waves from where he is sitting on a branch)
 
On the second day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A joyous Merry, and a Pippin in a peach tree. (Merry waves as he enters the Green Dragon Inn. Pippin starts eyeing the fruit)
 
On the third day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
Aragorn trying to put on his pants, a joyous Merry, and Pippin’s starting to eat the peach tree.
 
On the fourth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A preening elf queen Arwen, Aragorn tripping over his pants, a joyous Merry dancing on tabletops, and Pippin’s devouring the peach tree.
 
On the fifth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
One weird lord Elrond, a preening elf queen Arwen, Aragorn still stumbling over his pants, Merrys getting quite drunk, and Pippin’s gorging himself on the last of the peach tree.
 
On the sixth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A potato crazy Sam, Elrond giving everyone strange looks, Arwen still combing her hair, Aragorn still fumbling with his britches, Merry doing the Macarena, and Pippin in a former peach tree.
 
On the seventh day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A ring frantic Frodo, a potato freak Sam, Elrond giving weirded out looks, Arwen still fussing with her hair, Aragorn on the floor tangled up in his pants, a really drunk Merry passed out on the bar room floor, and Pippin throwing up in a peach tree.
 
On the eighth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
One overly bleached Saruman, a ring possessed Frodo, a huge potato fan Sam, Elrond of the weird looks, overly excessive groomer Arwen, Aragorn on the floor struggling with his pants, Merry singing drunkenly on the bar room floor, and Pippin in a peach tree looking green.
 
On the ninth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A slobbering spitting dwarf Gimil, Saruman who used to much bleach, ring collector Frodo, Sam, Sam the potato man, Lord weirdo Elrond, preening goose Arwen, Aragorn cursing his pants, Merry taking off his pants, and Pippin chewing on the wood of the peach tree.
 
On the tenth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
Prancing pretty elf boy Legolas, ‘Can’t he talk without spitting?’ Gimil, Waaay to bright in the sunlight Saruman, ‘Stop looking at my ring !’ Frodo, ‘There mine!’ potato crazy Sam, ‘Hello Mr. Anderson.’ Lord Elrond, ‘My hair, my pretty hair!’ elf queen Arwen, Aragorn ripping hell with his pants and a dagger, Merry singing ‘I’m too sexy for my clothes!’, and Pippin staring at the sky wondering why he’s stuck in this damn peach tree.
 
On the eleventh day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A very stern, serious elf Haldir, a says he’s not prancing elf Legolas, a hopping mad and spitting dwarf Gimil, pretty in white Saruman, shifty eyed Frodo clutching his precious ring, world potato gatherer Sam Gamgee, Elrond in front of a mirror practicing weird looks, mirror, ‘mirror on the wall whose the prettiest elf of all?’ Arwen, Aragorn who has forsaken all pants, Merry whose been told to put his clothes on or else, and Pippin whose seriously getting pissed about being stuck in this peach tree.
 
On the twelfth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A very creepy glow-in-the-dark elf queen Galadriel, ‘does he ever smile?’ Haldir, a says he’s not a pretty boy either Legolas, could have gotten shot in the dark Gimil, solar powered Saruman, obsessive ring fan Frodo, potato stalker Sam, actually a secret agent Lord Elrond, Arwen beating mirror with brush, Aragorn gone primal and insane, Merry stumbling down road drunk, and Pippin trying to light matches with twisted psychotic look in a former peach tree.
 
On the thirteenth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
Celeborn who doesn’t say much, life size glow-in-the-dark elf queen Galadriel, Haldir who was unfairly killed off in the second movie, wishes he hadn’t taken a seat beside the dwarf Legolas, heavy breather and slobberer Gimil, could be mistaken for a beacon Saruman, ring stalker Frodo, obsessive potato collector Sam, Elrond who secretly plots to send the Fellowship to their deaths, wanted for mirror abuse Arwen, pant phobia Aragorn, Merry dancing around the burning peach tree in his underwear, and Pippin who is desperately trying to unstick his pants from the burning peach tree.
 
On the fourteenth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A big scary eye in the sky Sauron, Celeborn who wishes he had more lines, radioactive elf queen Galadriel, Haldir with an axe in his back, Legolas who saw Moria with still perfect hair, Gimil who saw Moria and blubbered, Saruman who could've lighted there way without a light, Frodo who has a restraining order on him by the Ring, Pot potato hot Sam, Elrond who succeeded in knocking off Boromir, Legolas hater Arwen, Aragorn being chased by his pants, Merry pasted out under the burned peach tree, and a pissed Pippin cursing like a sailor to the peach tree.
 
On the fifteenth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A senile old Hobbit Bilbo, a creepy fire eye in the sky Sauron, Celeborn who’s pouting quietly, 'May the force be with you' Galadriel, Haldir who is much mourned, Legolas who’s being stalked by Arwen, Gimil who’s afraid of freaky glow-in-the-dark elf queens, Saruman who also glows-in-the-dark, Frodo who eloped from the Shire with his precious Ring,
Pot potato cold Sam, Elrond who failed in knocking off Mr. Anderson...I mean Aragorn, Arwen who’s now obsessed, Aragorn who’s running round Rivendale like a jungle madman, a pasted out Merry being danced on by Fairies, and Pippin who’s chopping down the last of the peach tree.
 
On the sixteenth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
Some big fiery demon in Moria, Bilbo who can't find his house, 'and now to our eye in the sky' Sauron, Celeborn who wishes his wife wouldn't glow so much, Galadriel who wishes her husband would quit pouting while company was here, Haldir who’s going to get revenge on Peter Jackson, Legolas who’s hiding with Arwen's brothers, Gimil who doesn't like dark woods, Radioactive Saruman, now open Frodo's Jewelry 'our specialty is Rings', renowned potato chef Sam Gamgee, Elrond who’s trying to calm his 'most beautiful elf in the world' obsessed daughter, Arwen who’s now been excepted by the film directors for the role of the wicked witch in Snow White, Aragorn who’s swinging in the trees hooting like a Monkey, Merry who groggily wonders why he's being danced upon, and Pippin who’s spitting on the remains of the peach tree.
 
On the seventeenth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A slimy, ring obsessed, hope-he-dies-soon Gollum, a whip slashing Balrog, an old senile Hobbit wondering the land in search of his home Bilbo, 'I could really use some moisturizer in this big fiery eye' Sauron, Celeborn who’s joined Haldir in his plan making, Galadriel who’s reapplying glow powder, Haldir who still has arrows stuck in his back, a chess playing Legolas, an axe sharpening Gimil, Saruman who’s now gone blind, Frodo who’s getting into a fight with Gollum, has written a cookbook Sam, Elrond who’s developed a permeant twitch
in his eye, Arwen who’s busy in the make-up room, Aragorn who’s scaring the elves, Merry who’s vainly trying to swat away the fairies dancing on him, and Pippin who’s now being haunted by the peach tree.
 
On the eighteenth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
One dead Boromir full of arrows, Gollum who bitten Frodo's finger off, a Balrog who poked his eye out, a senile old Hobbit being chased by Wraiths Bilbo, Sauron who can't get any rest and is quite cranky, Celeborn who wishes Haldir would get those arrows out of his back, Galadriel who stalks the woods impersonating a ghost, Haldir who is now stalking Peter Jackson, Legolas who is trying very hard to be macho, Gimil who’s sneaking up on the prissy elf, Saruman who’s stumbling around in a blind daze, Frodo who’s passed out in the emergency room, Sam who brought Frodo potato soup, Elrond who has his hands over his
eyes trying to make them stop twitching, Arwen who’s now ready for her close-up, Aragorn who’s screaming 'I've got no pants! Ah--hahahahahahahahahaha!!', Merry who slapped himself in the face, and Pippin who’s screaming because of the peach tree.
 
On the nineteenth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
A tomboy princess who’s in love with Aragorn but has to marry a dork named Faramir; Eowyn, Boromir who got thrown over a waterfall, Gollum who’s chewing on Frodo's finger like a dog bone, the Balrog who’s getting a scolding from Gandalf, a senile old Hobbit who’s being carried away by Wraiths; Bilbo, Sauron who’s really getting annoyed with having to watch things all the time, Celeborn who wishes his wife would stop acting like a ghost, Galadriel who’s wishes Celeborn would stop hanging out with Haldir, Haldir who now has a restraining
order, Legolas who’s now quite paranoid about prissiness, Gimil who’s stalking Legolas, Saruman the other specter, Frodo who’s pushing Gollum over a cliff, Sam who been checked into a mental institute for his potato obsession, Elrond with tape on his eyebrows, Arwen who’s been kidnaped by the new Tarzan, Aragorn who thinks he's Tarzan and is being chased by the mental ward, Merry who’s being taken to the ward and won't stop hitting himself....I mean 'those damn fairies who keep dancing round my face.', and Pippin who’s being tackled by most of the mental ward's team cause of the damn peach tree.
 
On the twentieth day of Christmas old Gandalf gave to me:
Faramir with a stupid look on his face, Eowyn who defeated the witch king and got stupid for a husband, Boromir who’s suing for workmen’s compensation, Gollum who’s now just mash, A Balrog with an eye patch, Bilbo who is quite dead, Sauron who is watching all and wishing for a head with which to shake, Celeborn who believing himself the last sane being is going on vacation, Galadriel who once fell in a vat of glow-in-the-dark paint, Haldir who has shot Peter Jackson with bow and arrow, Legolas whose taking therapy, Gimil whose doing the same, Saruman who is now dressed as a Wraith and has a seeing eye dog, Frodo who’s being charged with murder, Sam who now leads a quite life as a potato farmer at the ward, Elrond who is also at the ward with no eyebrows, Arwen who’s also in therapy, Aragorn
who’s taking pants therapy, Merry who’s being treated for a drinking problem, and Pippin who’s keeping away from all trees!
 
Man.....what did I ever do to Gandalf?
What a Christmas!!! :P